Malignant
by StarkLovesShawarma
Summary: Carlos is sicker than he lets on, and Kendall is extremely concerned. Kenlos. multi-chap.
1. Stubborn

**Inspired by my Anatomy and Physiology research paper (which I should be working on). I was sitting in class typing it listening to various beautiful Mika songs, and I just got a weird vibe, like I just had to write this.**

I don't own Big Time Rush.

Life was good. Touring on the road with your best friends, singing for millions of screaming fans, seeing the looks of complete and utter joy on their faces. And knowing _you_ put it there? The icing on the cake.

Everything seemed unbelievably perfect in their lives, especially for Carlos. He always did love the simple things in life. From the typhoon of energy the crowd gave him, to relaxing with his friends in a resturant, eating a cheese burger.

It was just as any other particular day on the tour bus, the four band mates off to their next destination of Cleveland, Ohio. Kendall and James were occupied by the television, sitting next to Logan on the small couch, who was typing an E-mail to his sister back in Texas. He was thought to have missed his family the most out of everyone in the band, they were so close.

"Were almost in Cleveland, better wake up Carlos," James sighed, his hands on his knees as he stood up, walking down the small hallway, stopping at the bunks. "Carlos, time to get up,"

The small white curtian was pulled back a bit, Carlos' restless face appearing in the openeing. "What time is it?"

"Eleven-Thrity in the a.m. buddy," James patted the matress, walking back to the couch. Groaning, Carlos propped himself up in the small bed, his breath heavy and hot. He had been sick for the past week, running small night fevers, but it didn't seem to be anything serious, according to Logan.

Swinging himself to sit over the edge of the bed, he tugged the legs of his ridden up sweat pants down, standing up. Another deep groan came from his throat as he stretched up, his stomach churning as he did so. Breathing steadily to keep himself from experiencing a wave of nausea, he trudged over to the small bathroom the four shared.

Closing the small door behind himself, Carlos immediately leaned over the sink, clutching his abdomen as it tightened, feeling as though someone had gripped his intestines in their hand and twisted. He coughed loudly, trying to supress the sound by putting his face closer to the sink.

Listlessly opening his brown eyes, he stared down into the porcilen sink, seeing a spatter of deep red blood dripping down it's side. Wiping his lip, he shakily leaned against the wall, staring at himself in the mirror.

He looked sicker than the last time he saw himself. Carlos' usual olvie skin shade had faded into a sickly, pale beige color, dark circles lining the underside of his eyes.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" He grunted quietly, his hands covering his middle again, trying to get relief from the agonizing pain. He was sicker than he was letting on.

"Carlos?" He heard a knock at the door behind him, jolting him forward in panic to wipe the blood from the sink. "Yeah?" He replied uneasily.

"I gotta shave man," Kendall talked into the door, leaning against the wall as the bus rocked slightly, his hand rubbing over his jaw. Carlos smoothed his hair down, attempting to look at least presentable as he opened the door, eyes locking with his blonde bandmate.

"You okay man?" Kendall asked sympathetically, looking at Carlos' tired eyes. The Latino's lips tugged into a small smile, pushing past his friend. "Yeah, just worn out is all."

Stepping into the bathroom, Kendall went to grab his razor from the cabinet when his eyes glanced down at the sink. He looked at the white surface, seeing a faint red stain on its shiny surface. His green eyes fell concered, thinking of his sick friend.

Snow fell softly on the big city of Cleveland as the boys pulled up around the side of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, unboarding from their giant tour bus. They would be performing a set of their new songs to promote their new album in front of the beautifully arcitectured museum.

Walking to the back of the bus, Kendall was seeking out Carlos, wanting to inform him that they had arrived to their destination. Upon opening the small bedroom's door, he spotted Carlos sitting on the twin bed, staring at the floor. "Carlos? We're in Cleveland..."

The dark haired boy turned his head up suddenly, his expression suprised. "Hey Kendall," he smiled weakly, then turning to cough violently into his balled fist. The blonde walked quickly to his friend, sitting next to him on the bed, his arm wrapped around his hunched shoulders. "Dude are you alright? You don't sound to good."

Watching the fist unclamp, Kendall's eyes widened to see Carlos' hand spattered with bright, crimson blood. "Carlos you-" "I'm fine Kendall, really." The Latino interrupted, wiping his hand on the bed's cover, standing to his feet. As he began to walk out of the bedroom, his legs shook, making him fall onto the floor underneath himself pathetically. "Carlos!"

Kendall's hand wrapped around his friend's arm, pulling his body up and into his grasp. "We have to get you to a hosptial." Kendall almost commanded, his thumb wiping blood from Carlos' bottom lip.

Carlos' face was aggravated, maybe even angry as he heard Kendall say this. Jerking his arm away, he smoothed his coat out, pulling on his black gloves. "No, I'm going out here and singing," he said stubbornly, finding his passion a reasonable excuse to not fret over himself. "But Carlo-"

Before Kendall could get his sentence out, Carlos was walking out of the bus, disappearing from his sight. Kendall was severly distressed by his friend's condition, and promised himself he would talk to Carlos after the concert.

What could be ailing him so terribly that it caused him to spit blood?

Burying his hands into his coat pockets, Kendall trotted down the short stairs leading out of the bus, seeing crowds upon crowds of people awaiting their arrival on stage. 


	2. Brotherhood

**I'm so glad you guys liked the first part to my story! Hopefully I can jerk some tears ;) I connected this story to an older one of mine, adding a few little tidbits in there relating to it! Humor me and see if you can guess which one it is...**

**I do not own Big Time Rush.**

The outside weather was freezing, chilling Kendall to the bone before he walked into the glass building they would be performing in. The staff and crew of the museum had cleared out all of the valuable exhibits on the lower floor to make room for the band to play. Even though Kendall was seriously worried for Carlos' health, he had to admit he was thrilled.

Ever since Kendall was old enough to play a chord on the guitar he had always wanted to visit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. His father always called him _Daddy's little rock star. _

And now he was playing a concert there.

Spotting the stage, the blonde band member made his way downstairs, looking over the setup. James stood at the foot of the stage, cappuccino in hand as he read over the set list they would be singing. Logan was on the stage, bending down to check the wiring to the amps behind the microphones. That was one of Kendall's pet peeves, Logan always having to check their perfectly fine sound system. But he just tried to ignore it. Kendall was especially excited because he had gotten to bring his acoustic guitar, or as he liked to call it, _'His Baby'_ along to play.

As Kendall slipped off his gloves and pushed them into his coat pocket, he looked around for his sick friend. He was nowhere to be seen.

_xxxx_

"_Fuck_," Carlos groaned, wiping his mouth on a piece of toilet paper. Staring down into the toilet, he became disgusted, seeing it filled with the vomit he had just regurgitated. Not really caring at the moment, he laid his head against the ceramic bowl, closing his eyes in pain.

"I have to sing, I _have _to sing..." he repeated to himself over and over as his hands gripped the sides of the toilet, helping himself to stand upright. No matter what anyone said, Carlos was the most determined out of all the members of Big Time Rush, and it showed.

But it wasn't for the reasons some might think. No, it wasn't for the screaming and adoring fans. It wasn't for his own self pride or to make his parents proud of their high school drop out son.

It was to impress Kendall, to show him how committed he was to their team, their _brotherhood. _They were the four musketeers, and they didn't care who said there were only three.

Leaving the small restroom stall and walking tiredly over to the mirror, Carlos examined himself for the second time that day, not being pleased with what he saw. He was still pale and sickly looking, but he hoped the crowd would be too focused on the music to notice. He should be lip sync-ing today, but he isn't. He never will.

Straightening his hair up, Carlos ventured from the bathroom to find his friends getting ready to jump onto the stage. The museum had already let the fans in, and as soon as they spotted Carlos walking from the bathroom, they began to wail and scream his name. He smiled weakly, the loud and harsh noise hurting his ears tremendously. One girl attempted to leap over the ropes to get at him, but the body guards pushed her small body back.

"Carlos man, where were you?" Logan asked as their Latino friend finally joined them backstage. Kendall gave a sigh of relief, seeing his pal looking a little better than before.

"I was peeing," the olive skinned man replied shortly, grabbing his earpiece and pushing it into his right ear. Logan seemed to buy it, shrugging his shoulders and looking forward, humming the words to one of their new songs excitedly. Kendall glanced over at Carlos, seeing the shorter man grip his stomach candidly, his expression turning into a wince for a split second. He would have said something, if the announcer hadn't shouted over the loud speaker that it was time for them to enter stage right.

Plastering on a fake smile, Carlos bounced onto the stage with enthusiasm, pointing and waving as he peered out into their sea of fans.

_xxxx_

He made it through the first three songs with no problem, his pain seeming to subside for the time being. Carlos was actually having a good time now, stepping and swaying to the dance routine they had practiced the night before in the tour buses' small living room area. It probably would have been a humorous thing to watch, what with James' long lanky arms and legs taking up at least half of the area.

Then it was time. Kendall walked to the side of the stage to retrieve his pride and joy, his guitar. Carlos smiled, remembering the time he and Kendall had sat together on the blonde's back porch in high school after one of their big games. It was the first time he had ever heard anything Kendall had originally written. The first time they had kissed.

As Kendall began to strum the tune to the song on his instrument, Carlos closed his eyes, only for a moment, to get the feel of the acoustic rhythm. It was beautiful, the melodic strum of the guitar soothing to Carlos' ears. But when the Latino opened his eyes, readying himself to sing the first line of the song, it all went wrong.

The stage's bright multi-colored lights began to fade in and out of Carlos' vision, the crowd's roaring sound growing smaller and smaller. He seemed to panic, and turned to his side to reach out for Logan, but his surrounding world went in slow motion, his eyes finally rolling into the back of his head. With what little Carlos could hear, the sound of Kendall screaming was all that was left as everything went completely black.


	3. I'm Sorry

**I just got a new video game for Christmas and I've been playing it non-stop, so sorry for not updating sooner! You know I wouldn't forget about you guys :) Just to confirm a question in a review, no, Carlos and Kendall are not still together. I hope to get a chance to explain further in this chapter. All in all, I'm seriously unsatisfied with this. **

**I do not own Big Time Rush.**

With his hands gripping around his grey knit beanie, Kendall leaned against the cold wall behind him, his green eyes closing in anticipation. He felt so entirely guilty about this whole situation after seeing Carlos collapse in the middle of their performance like he did. If he had just stopped his friend from stepping onto that stage, none of this would have even happened.

Kendall opened his eyes, his sights drifting to the hospital bed Carlos lay in. The poor thing was hooked up to two different machines Kendall couldn't even name, displaying lines and numbers he had no knowledge of.

It was the scariest moment of the blonde's life when Carlos had passed out, seeing his friend fall completely unconscious and hit the floor with a loud _thud._ Kendall had literally thrown his guitar onto the ground to rush over to Carlos' body, grasping his round face in his hands. No matter how loudly Kendall yelled his name, Carlos did not stir.

And now here they were, Kendall, Logan, and James waiting impatiently in the small hospital room, wondering what was wrong with their best friend. It had seemed like hours before anyone had come to check on him.

Finally, a woman came walking in, clipboard in hand. She was young, her dark black hair tied into a neat bun behind her head. The expression on her face was unreadable.

Seeing her, the boys stood straight, walking to the center of the room to greet her.

"Hi boys, I'm Dr. Patrick. I'll be Carlos' attending physician for the time being. Call me Cayleen." she introduced herself, smiling softly as she shook the three men's hands.

"What's wrong with him?" Kendall asked quickly, skipping the small talk as his eyes darted back to Carlos in concern. Cayleen's dark brown eyes seemed dismal, but she still held the straightest face they had ever seen.

"We're not entirely sure as of now. What we do know for sure is that his red-blood cell count is abnormally low, which is leaving him very susceptible for sickness. Has he been experiencing any kind of abnormal headaches recently?" She asked, plucking a pen from her pocket and clicking it open. The friends swallowed dryly.

"He's been sick for the past week, but we didn't think it was anything serious, just a cold…" Logan spoke up, his eyebrows knitting together in worry for his sick friend. Cayleen nodded, scribbling down the brunette's words on her clipboard.

"Well, we're going to need to take him back for an MRI, see if everything is going alright with his organs," Cayleen closed the pen, shoving it back into her pocket as she tucked her clipboard under her arm, walking to Carlos' side.

"Carlos, can you hear me?" the doctor placed her hand on his forehead, watching his eyelids open slowly. Smiling down at the man, Cayleen introduced herself.

"Carlos, I'm Dr. Patrick. You're in the hospital." She explained, seeing the confused look draw across Carlos' face. "We need to take you back for a scan."

"W-Where's my friends?" the tan skinned man attempted to sit upright, only having Cayleen's hand push against his chest. "They're right here Carlos, you're okay. C'mon, we need to get you to the MRI room."

Carlos' vision was completely blurred, barley making out the fuzzy outlines of his three best friends.

The trio walked to Carlos' bedside, the Latino's eyes instantly locking with Kendall's before a nurse entered the room, beginning to push his bed across the room towards the door.

"I'm sorry Kendall…" Carlos whispered back before they turned the corner.

* * *

As the nurse held Carlos' hand, she assisted him in steadily getting out of his bed. He hadn't realized how weak he actually was until his bare feet were planted on the floor, his legs feeling as if they were about to give at any moment. In front of him was a giant, circular machine with somewhat of a table sticking out of the end of it.

"What is this?" Carlos asked weakly, letting the nurse help him sit down on the padded table. Leaning him back, he laid down, his head resting onto a headrest.

"It's called an MRI machine. It scans your organs. Don't worry, we're just making sure nothings messed up inside you, okay?" The woman smiled sweetly, reassuring Carlos that it was okay. He nodded, closing his eyes, preparing himself for the unknown.

The machine suddenly began to make a loud, vibrating noise, the table sliding into the circular tube, slowly, taking Carlos inside the massive thing. He was nervous, his stomach lurching as his ears began to ring from the loudness. Carlos began to think to himself that Kendall had been right, and he should have never set foot on that stage.

xxxx

It had been hours since they had seen Carlos, and Kendall had drifted to sleep during the waiting period, dreaming of his friend…of the first night they kissed.

**_"Although you were biased, I love your advice. Your comebacks they're quick, and probably have to do with your insecurities. There's no shame in being crazy, depending on how you take these, words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging. And what a beautiful mess, yes it is..."_**

**_The blonde's eyes closed, feeling the release of weight from his chest as he breathed these words out carefully. Carlos stayed still, a smirk stuck to his cheek. He enjoyed the music. It was a different side of his best friend that he rarely witnessed. Expression poured out from his body as he sang._**

**_"It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes. Through, timeless words and priceless pictures We'll fly like birds not of this earth. And tides they turn and hearts disfigure, but that's no concern when we're wounded together. And we, tore our dresses and stained our shirts..."_**

**_Kendall's music continued as he paused from the singing. Carlos had rested his head on his shoulder, his face near the blonde's neck. Kendall could feel the soft black hair brushing along his jaw line. The Latino was humming along with the melody of the guitar. The vibrations from this tickled Kendall's skin as he stared into the fire. Something told the songwriter that he should be pushing his friend away, telling him that it was incredibly gay, but for some reason, he didn't. For some reason, it felt okay...maybe even right. Kendall closed his eyes as he played._**

**_"It's like picking up trash in dresses. Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say, kind of turn themselves into blades, and the kind and courteous is a life I've heard. But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt. Oh what a beautiful mess, this is. Yes it is..." _**

**_The heat radiating from the fire warmed Kendall to the core. Or perhaps, was it Carlos' lips suddenly pressed against his cheek? Turning slowly to meet his friend's affection, their mouths brushed, and Kendall's face flushed rosy. Carlos' dark eyes stared up at his friend as his teeth clenched his lower lip. Looking into those auburn eyes opened up a whole new side of Carlos Garcia to Kendall._**

**_They were strong, but also needy. In ways, humble, yet greedy. And for some odd reason, Kendall felt that his eyes were telling the same exact story. He felt as though Carlos had stripped him of his clothing and opened his chest, staring into his heart and his life and his emotions. For some reason...the blonde liked being exposed._**

**_The world's music drifted through their ears; the sounds of crickets strumming their legs, and frogs croaking their tunes. And as Kendall's mouth touched his best friend's, he couldn't help but to think: Oh, what a beautiful mess this is._**

That had been the most memorable night of Kendall's life to date. He had never experienced such love, such a feeling of relaxation.

After that night, the two boys never spoke of the incident. Kendall had yearned greatly to confess what he had felt that night to his friend, but Carlos seemed to act no differently than the day before, never mentioning the kiss again. For the longest time it broke Kendall's heart, but somehow he masked the pain.

Nevertheless, he would always keep that feeling close to his heart, and he would always love Carlos.

Suddenly, the sound of high heels clicking against the limestone floor became apparent to the three men, waking Kendall from his beautiful flashback.

Cayleen appeared, walking through the door with the same clipboard from before clenched in her small hands. But this time, the expression on her face was serious, stone and looking as if she was bearing bad news. Closing the blue door behind her, she turned to Carlos' friends.

"Did you find anything?" James questioned, all three of the friends anticipating the answer greatly. Cayleen licked her lips nervously, staring down at her clipboard.

"Yes, we did. And I'm afraid it isn't very good at all," the doctor spoke sternly, her head shaking slightly as if to postpone the answer she was about to give them.

"Carlos has a malignant tumor in the occipital lobe of his brain. It seems to have been growing there for quite sometime now...quite frankly it's so big there's no telling how long he's had it there." she explained, watching the expressions of the men's faces turn confused and in shock.

"What does all that mean?" Kendall asked suddenly, his voice desperately craving an understandable reply. Cayleen closed her eyes, sighing at what she was about to tell the blonde man.

"Carlos... is in the third stage of brain cancer."


	4. The Last Testament of Carlos Garcia

**Hopefully someone remembers this ancient story. For God's sake, I haven't updated in so long my stories basically have cobwebs on them. But I owe a special thanks to cookielover101. If it wasn't for them, I probably wouldn't have the drive to update this!**

**I do not own Big Time Rush.**

Have you ever had a feeling of heartache so overwhelming you feel as though you want to scream until your voicebox completely shuts down? Well, the exact same agonizing sensation was shooting through Kendall Knight's brain, sending shock waves of pain down to the very vessles of his heart. The entire room began to radically spin and Kendall couldn't make out his friend's or the doctor's faces, his eyes overflowing with so much moisture he swore he was going completely blind.

"NO! WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T WE KNOW ABOUT THIS?" The blonde singer wailed out, the tears breaking the barrier of his eyelids and pouring down over his hot cheeks, his long fingers twisting into his wild hair. James, Logan, and Dr. Patrick all flinched, the suprising outburst catching them off guard. Logan attempted to calm his irrational friend, reaching for Kendall's arms, only to be jerked away from.

"Kendall, there's no way we could have known. It's not your fault." James stepped forward and reassured the lead singer, his tone soft yet hurt ressembling the small whine of a neglected puppy. "Theres no way anyone could have known..."

* * *

Kendall had stayed with Carlos though and through; hell, everyone did. It was like what it said in marriage vows: through thick and thin, for better…and in this case, most definitely for worse.

The quirkiest member of Big Time Rush had been diagnosed with stage three brain cancer two months ago, leaving his bouncy and energetic lifestyle behind and only for the sake of good memories. Carlos was now reduced to lying in bed most hours of the day, too sickly to even sit up or hold a spoon to eat with. On a good day, Carlos could get up from his bed to walk to the bathroom on his own, or feed himself. Something that no one could ever understand was how he kept smiling, day in and day out. He was always happy when he woke, greeting whoever was in the room with a weak grin and a "good morning" between the nausea spells that the chemotherapy plagued him with. Kendall thinks it's all an act sometimes, because one morning when nobody accompanied Carlos in his room, the blonde watched through the crack of the door as the Latino's eyes opened, a dead and miserable look glossing over them as he realized no one was there. That image would forever be burned into Kendall's mind…he wish he hadn't ever seen it.

"I got some more fan mail for you today buddy," James walked into Carlos' hospital room one afternoon, bag in hand, joining Kendall and Logan beside their sickly friend's bed. This particular day, Carlos was told that the doctors were taking him off of the chemotherapy because it wasn't helping, and there was nothing else they could do. He would never tell the guys that though.

The three knew that their friend was in pain at the moment, but an expression of joy swept across his face as James laid the bag onto his lap, taking a seat in the empty chair next to Logan. Carlos slowly reached into the plastic sack, pulling out a purple envelope and ripping it open.

"_Carlos, just wanted to let you know that I love you and I'm praying for you to get better. You need to get well because all of your fans miss hearing you sing! Love, Marissa." _Carlos smiled, his teeth showing a little from under his pale lips. "That's sweet," he said softly, laying the card down on the entable next to his bed. His eyes suddenly darkened, his face turning somber at the realization that he couldn't fulfill the girl's wish. He knew he wasn't going to get better. "Can you guys do something for me?"

The three friends turned their attention quickly to Carlos, nodding as small smiles spread onto their faces. "Yeah, anything." Logan offered, setting his Starbucks coffee down on the floor beside of him.

"Will you guys record me saying something, so I can tweet it for the fans?" Kendall stood up and fished his phone from the pocket in his jeans, clicking the video button and giving a thumbs up to Carlos. "Whenever you're ready buddy."

Pushing his palms against the bed so he could sit up a little, Carlos struggled to get comfortable, finally giving up and laying his palms in his lap, sighing as he nodded to signal Kendall he was ready. The blonde pressed the small button, a little red light flashing on.

"Hey everyone, its Carlos here. I wanted to tell you that I'm getting all the fan mail and I love it, thank you so much, it means the entire world to me. I-uh," Carlos brought his hand up to his mouth, balling it into a fist and coughing softly into his hand. Kendall frowned, suddenly realizing what Carlos was about to do.

"I'm making this video to tell all you guys that I had a lot of fun singing for you over the years…it's really been a blast. This will…this will probably be the last video I make for you guys so…" Carlos was obviously beginning to tear up, his voice becoming unsteady and his eyes watering over. As the Latino's gaze locked back into the camera, Kendall saw that same dead and miserable look that he prayed he would never see again.

"So just…I wanted to tell you guys goodbye one last time before I go. Bye everyone, it's been amazing. Thank you." And that was it. Kendall's thumb clicked the video button on his phone, ending the last testament of Carlos Garcia. Swallowing hard, he thumbed his way to the twitter app, logging onto his best friend's account and uploading the video to his stream. Pretty soon, the diminishing pop star would have a flood of tweets from sobbing fans coming in…ones that he would never read.

"Thanks Kendall," Carlos smiled, his eyes glancing downward and a tear rolling down the side of his now thin cheek. As James and Logan walked to their friend's side, patting him on the back and telling him everything was going to be alright, Kendall's face began to burn, his throat clenching tight as if he was about to throw up. He couldn't take this. But he knew…tonight would be it.

* * *

"Te quiero Mami…Papi," Carlos closed his eyes as his mother bent down, holding her son's face and planting a kiss on his forehead. Her hands were quivering, and the sickly band member could feel this, only making his heart break further. His father repeated what his mother did, only his hands held something in them.

"Here, I wanted to make sure you had this…" his father smiled, holding out the old, black helmet that his son used to wear all the time in his younger years. Carlos smiled, but only to hold back a choking cry as he took the object of affection into his grasp, secretly holding tighter than he had ever held anything in his life. Looking down at it, he could still see the scratches and nicks he had beaten into it over the years of playing hockey and being outwardly thoughtless. Carlos would miss those days. "Thank you Papi."

There was only one person standing in the room who hadn't said anything to Carlos that whole night, and that was Kendall. He was waiting for everyone to leave so maybe, he could have his last moment with his best friend in complete isolation, a memory he could hopefully hold onto and never let go of for as long as he lived. Carlos noticed his friend standing against the wall and whispered something to his mother, alerting her of the situation.

"C'mon everybody, I think we should let these two have some alone time," she announced, hurrying everyone out of the small hospital room, but stopping for a brief moment as she stood beside Kendall. "Make his last few minutes good, okay baby?" she had begun to cry, her mouth twisting into a very sad, very emotional frown as she kissed the blonde's cheek, walking out. Then, it seemed all of a sudden, the room was empty, leaving only two people staring at one another.

"You haven't said anything to me all night…"

"That's because I don't know _what_ to say."

A grin spread across Carlos' mouth, the response being so purely something he would expect from Kendall. A dry swallow proceeded as Carlos motioned the blonde to come and sit in the chair that was next to the bed. Slowly but surely, the blonde made his way over, sitting down and staring at his friend's pale and dying eyes.

"It's weird, you know." Carlos commented, looking down at his hands that still held the helmet, then back up at Kendall. The smaller man grimaced a little, pushing his head back against the fluffy white pillow in an attempt to get comfortable.

"What is?"

"The feeling of knowing that you're gonna die soon. It's weird." The dark haired man concurred, a goofy smile making its way onto his face as he watched Kendall's expression.

"That is so you Carlos…saying something so off-putting in a serious moment like this," the taller of the two laughed softly, his hand coming forward to grasp his friend's, pulling it gently away from the helmet. Carlos' breath stopped for a moment, feeling a sensation that he hadn't felt in a long, long time…himself blushing. Kendall noticed this too, seeing a light tan color flood onto his friend's now sick and pale cheeks. This made him smile. He thought he would never see that beautiful expression ever again.

"Don't think I forgot that night you kissed me after that championship game…" Kendall's eyebrow rose up, watching Carlos' blush deepen, a grin on his thin mouth. The blonde felt himself chuckle, seeing his best friend so flustered. "It was the best night of my life, you know."

Carlos' head turned up to Kendall, dark eyebrows suddenly knitted tightly together. His lips parted slightly, his smile depleting and bottom lip beginning to shiver as he felt years of bottled up emotion coming through and out, tears filling the bottoms of his eyes. This is what he had wanted for so long…for Kendall to say those words. "M-Mine too," the Latino breathed, a lump forming in the middle of his throat.

The next few moments seemed to play out in slow motion for the two. Kendall stood up from his chair, still holding Carlos' small hand in his, and leaned down, playing the scene in front of the fire all over again, only in reverse as he kissed his friend's lips softly. They could even swear the felt the flame's heat flashing over their skin. _"I love you Carlos,"_ Kendall whispered into Carlos' ear, their cheeks touching softly, the blonde's arms coming up and around to hug the dying man. The Latino could tell his friend hadn't shaved, the stubble from his face pricking and tickling his smooth skin.

"_I-I love you too Kendall…"_ he breathed out, his shaking arms reaching up to wrap themselves around the blonde's broad shoulders. Carlos' eyes began to close, his heartbeat fluttering into a soft, undetectable beat. "_I love you too…" _

And that was it, and Kendall knew. His friend was gone, but his arms still remained around Kendall's shoulders, wrapped in an embrace that the leader of Big Time Rush would never, ever forget.


End file.
